Stop asking me about my book!

Dear colleagues, friends, and family,

As you know, my book manuscript is currently under review at a university press. It has now been at this particular press for 17 months. Yes, I am aware that 17 months is as unbelievably long time to wait for a book contract. Yes, I have received two readers' reports. Yes, I have responded to them. No, I haven't heard from the editor in the last few of weeks. He said that he would get back to me soon after Labor Day. Yes, I know that Labor Day was 3 1/2 weeks ago. Do you think that I haven't been checking my email constantly since then? What good will it do to send him another email? Is it my fault the editor's wife died of a long and horrible disease at the exact moment my book was under review? Is it my fault this editor seems to be abnormally slow and clueless, even accounting for his personal tragedy?

When I finally get the book contract I will shout it from the rooftops. I will post it on Facebook, and dance through the halls of the building crying tears of joy. But until then,

stop asking me about my book!

Thank you,

The Untenured Professor